Friday, March 5, 2010

It isn't really ironic, don't you think?

Travis Koval is many things. A good friend, an aspiring film-maker, 2007 May Employee of the Month at Office Max, and according to girlfriend Amanda Love, a ton of snugglebear fun (and that's not an insult to his weight. It's not a literal ton because snugglebear fun cannot be measured by a metric scale).

Most of all though, as Celebrity Jeopardy Sean Connery would say, Travis is not a therapist of the English language. Don't try to misuse the word "ironic" around him when the word you really meant to use was "coincidence". Travis is a badge wearing member of the irony police.

So as a gift to Travis, I present updated lyrics to Alanis Morissette's hit single, "Ironic" and a link to the video so we can all sing along without misusing the word ironic.

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
Isn't it ironic ... don't you think

It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought ... it figures

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
'Well isn't this nice...'
And isn't it ironic ... don't you think
Repeat Chorus

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face

It's a traffic jam when you're already late
It's a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic... don't you think
A little too ironic... and yeah I really do think...
Repeat Chorus

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out

Now sing along!