Monday, August 31, 2009

Marvel sells out

Disney purchased Marvel Comics, adding them to it's stable of entertainment companies including ESPN and ABC.


10. ABC's fall line-up of shows will feature Desperate X-Wives, Wipeout shot on location in the Savage Land, and Dancing With The Heralds of Galactus.

9. The ESPN Sportscenter theme da da da...da da da will be a sound effect after each of Colossus and Wolverine's "fastball special".

8. Norman Osborn steals Uncle Scrooges "Lucky Dime".

7. Goofy is a mutant.

6. Namor gets a loveable Jamaican singing crab for a sidekick.

5. Mickey strikes a deal with Mephisto to cancel much of his past in order to save his elderly aunt from death. This results in Mickey no longer being married to Minnie Mouse, and he goes back to his carefree days on the river as Steamboat Willie.

4. Disney borrows Marvels alternate imprint lines. "Ultimate Beauty and the Beast" in which Beauty is an earthy and very liberal college co-ed while Beast is a clean-cut and Christian staunch Republican, and "Max Snow White and the 7 Dwarves" which needs no explanation.

3. Mickey and Minnie Mouse, Donald Duck, and Uncle Scrooge all will start to talk suspiciously like Brian Michael Bendis.

2. Summer cross-over event in 2010: Peter Pan braces for World War Hook.

1. Kraven the Hunter destroys the Disney Universe by Garth Ennis.

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